Really shouldn't give advice to strangers...

No, really.

But when people post things about Christianity, or being a Christian, etc, etc... It's like I can't resist. Am I just the most opinionated person on Earth? Eh. Maybe I think I have all the answers? HA. Definitely not that one...

Maybe it's just that, well, I've been there. Who doesn't have guilt over past mistakes? Who doesn't have regret that they didn't "do the right thing"? I know some people say that they have no regrets in life. I can't say that. I haven't always loved God with my whole heart. Sometimes I'm lucky to remember God at all. But, I have this day to serve God. I can't change the things I did in the past. I can only ask for forgiveness, learn from my mistakes and move forward. I have this day, right? And we don't know when our last day will be, but I hope that I can say on my last day, "I served you today with my whole heart."

Heavy, right? And now I "get to" go to my preaching class. Ugh. I should see this as an opportunity to serve God, but all I see are the many, many ways to make a fool of myself. And perhaps I wouldn't even mind that so much if I didn't truly think that NO ONE is helped by my preaching.

But perhaps this is a lack of faith in God. After all, does it not say, "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"? Surely this includes my bad preaching.

Best Caramel Pecan Rolls

When I was in Oregon over Christmas break, I had the (ample, given the snow) opportunity to try something new. This year I made Cinnamon Caramel Pecan rolls for Christmas breakfast.

I used a recipe from Allrecipes*, then edited it, because you almost always have to with that site, and even if you didn't, well, I do that anyway with almost all recipes.

Here it is:

Best Caramel Pecan Rolls I've Ever Tasted

1/2 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup butter
1/2 teaspoon white sugar
1/4 cup warm water (110 degrees F)
1 (2-1/4 tsp) envelope active dry yeast
1 egg
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, or as needed

2 tablespoons butter, softened
1/4 cup white sugar
1/8 cup ground cinnamon

2 tablespoons light corn syrup
1 1/2 tablespoons water
3 tablespoons butter
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup pecan halves (or as much as is need to cover the bottom of your pan)

Pour the milk into a small saucepan, and set over medium heat. Heat just until a skin starts to form on the top, then remove from the stove, and stir in salt and 1/4 cup butter. Allow to cool to lukewarm.

Place 1/4 cup of warm water in a small bowl. Stir in 1/2 teaspoon sugar. Sprinkle yeast over the surface and gently mix into water. Let stand until foamy, 5 to 10 minutes.

In a large bowl, stir together the cooled milk mixture and the yeast for 2 minutes using an electric mixer on medium speed. Add egg, and mix well. Use a large wooden spoon to stir in flour 1/2 cup at a time, mixing well after each addition until the mixture forms a dough. Knead on a floured surface, adding more flour if necessary, until dough is smooth and elastic, about 8 minutes. Place in an oiled bowl, and turn once to coat the top. Cover, and let rise until doubled in size, 1 to 2 hours.

Punch down dough, and let rest on the counter while you prepare the caramel topping. In a medium bowl, mix together the corn syrup, 1 1/2 tablespoons of water, 3 tablespoons of butter and brown sugar until smooth. Spread an even layer onto the bottom of a 9x9 inch baking dish. Place pecan halves upside down over the sugar mixture, covering bottom of the pan. Set aside.

On a lightly floured surface, roll dough out to a 9x12 inch rectangle Spread with 2 tablespoons of butter. Mix together 1/4 cup of sugar with the cinnamon; sprinkle over the margarine. Roll the dough up starting at the long end to form a log. Pinch the seam together to seal. Cut the roll into 1 inch rounds. Place the rounds into the prepared baking dish. Set in a warm place to rise until doubled, about 30 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Bake rolls for 20 to 25 minutes in the oven, until golden brown. Invert baking pan onto a cutting board or a clean cookie sheet while still warm so the caramel topping is on top. (I cover the board or sheet with foil, because I'm lazy and hate cleaning up cooled, hardened, sugary glaze.)

Serve with warm with light snow in late February.



*The original recipe was called Grandmother Stougaard's Caramel Pecan Sweet Rolls.

Turning 27 and Other Birthday Related Thoughts

I can't believe it's almost my birthday. The older I get, the more time flies. I never believed adults when they said this to me as a child. Time used to last forever then. I remember how long summers used to seem. It was as if the days would never end and I remember summers as a blur of warm sunshine and green grass. The kiddie pools we always had with the inevitable bit of grass floating in them. We used to hang almost all of our clothes on the line outside in the summer and I remember the smell, like sunshine had soaked into the material and had become a scent. Mom often let us hang a sheet on the line and use it as our tent. It was wonderful since it provided shade from the sun and also wrapped us in the sweet smell of sunshine.

I feel so far from those days now, about to mark my twenty-seventh year on this earth in the dead of winter with snow blanketing my grown-up garden with coldness. Summers feel shorter and shorter and winters longer and longer now. And though I know that I'm still "young," I'm no longer a youth.

Truly, I don't know why I feel so melancholy. I love my life and this age is a good age to be. I have a lot more wisdom than even five years ago, and I enjoy the having that wisdom in my "repertoire," if you will. But I also miss the innocence and optimism of my childhood. The very real dawn of hope that Obama's inauguration has brought is a reminder to me of the many years of pessimism that we have been through. I also guess that the downside of wisdom is knowing "the good and the bad." The price of wisdom is experience. I know what can go wrong, what decision might be bad decisions, because I have suffered the consequences of bad decisions.

But there again is my melancholy. Not everything that I have learned has been at the cost of my own mistakes. I am able to observe others as well and I do.

I don't regret growing older. I wouldn't "hold back the hands of time" if given the choice. This is, after all, the "human experience" and since I believe that this is the one life I have to live, I want to experience it, the good and the bad, so that I might truly know what it is to be human. How should we know joy except that we have also experienced sorrow? I know that I would not miss my grandmothers now, if I had not known and loved them. Yet, I would not choose to have known or loved them less so that it might hurt less now that they are gone. This is life. This is the human experience.

So, I am preparing to celebrate another year's passing in my short time here on earth. I suppose I should be (and am) grateful for the twenty-seven years I have been given. I know that the next twenty-seven will probably seem to pass even more quickly. Perhaps this should be the impetus for enjoying those moments of life. They are sweet, and rarely savored as they should be.

Silence

After the holidays and the madness of our 7 1/2 hour drive to St. Simons Island and same time drive back, I find myself today in silence. I have not listened to music or turned on the TV. I haven't even talked to anyone for several hours. (I did talk to the Powells this morning, but that was still several hours ago.)

I almost watched a video, but nothing even seemed sort of appealing, so I didn't.

The only thing I hear is the clicking of my own typing and the hum of the appliances that I so rarely "hear."

I seldom live in silence. Well, according to Cecelia, we never truly live in silence because there is always the hum of some electrical thing. But what I mean is that I seldom go more than an hour or so without hearing another human voice, even if it is an impersonal and/or unknown voice, such as the TV or music.

I can truly say that I'm enjoying it now. This is rare too. Usually it is "too silent" for me without something turned on.